Luke D
The Reflecting God
Was reading thru the EPW forums (EPW's the local wrestling promotion over here) and found this thread listing all apparent "laws" that matches and general proceedings a required to follow. Below are just some of them:
The rest can be found here Some brought quite a chuckle whilst reading these.
"Much like the laws of physics, Professional Wrestling abides by certain rules which can and will never, ever be broken. Such rules include:
-If you form a tag team with Kane, you will win the tag team titles. HOWEVER, Kane will at some point turn on you to get in touch with the "Monster" within.
-After defeating the Undertaker in a buried alive match, he will always return with an adjusted gimmick
-No table has ever survived a contract signing
-No "celebration" will go un-crashed
-Ric Flair + Top Rope = Beal. Occasionally the gravitational forces caused by say, a summer solstice will break this rule, however.
-Bad things happen around cameras backstage
-In a ladder match, both men must climb up both sides of the ladder at least once and punch each other
-If Hulk Hogan no-sells your punch and points at you, you MUST KEEP HITTING HIM. He'll go down eventually!
-If Steve Austin offers you a beer, you will be given the stunner shortly after
- Referees are the most knock-out prone people on the Planet.
- No Manager in history has ever simply managed his wrestler. They always get involved.
-If you summon the spirits of the native americans through a dance around the ring, you become momentarily invincible.
-Referees have no periferal vision.
- The 2nd most dangerous wrestling related career is "Spanish Announcer".
-The only person that can be dropped on a pile of tacs is the person who put them there in the first place.
-The higher pitched the cheers are, the more likely a wrestler is to overcome the odds.
-If they mention the Spanish announcers, the Spanish announce table is completely and utterly doomed.
-Any trophy that starts a presentation ceremony in one piece will be in more than one piece by the end of the ceremony.
-No matter how long a wrestler has been out of action for, their music is in the CD player and ready to go at all times.
- If you are feuding with Undertaker when he's a face, he will come out on top.
- When a wrestler is locked in a submission move like the sleeper hold, the ref will raise his arm and for the first two times, it will fall weakly to the floor. However when it is for a third time, it will miraciously stop half-way, then somehow give the wrestler enough momentum to make a comeback.
- Ric Flair will always defeat Carlito in a match.
-It is almost impossible for a wrestler to stumble and collapse between the top and middle rope, or to slump backwards into the corner of the ring. However, should a wrestler fight Rey Mysterio or Rikishi Phatu, the odds of this improbable event rise to an almost 100% possibility.
-Wrestlers have an odd visualisation flaw in their eyes that means they are incapable of seeing action on the titantron (they are however capable of watching small monitors backstage).
-If a wrestler goes insane with rage after a match (whether they win or lose) and locks in a submission move, the best way to convince them to let it go is to play their music over the speakers.
-The crowd will always chant You Suck to Angle, no matter what character he plays.
-The belt is the strongest weapon prop available to all wrestlers. It's a class A weapon. The steelchair is a class B when swung, but a class A when a move is done on/with it. The only weapon stronger than the belt is the sledgehammer, which is a class A+ weapon, however it is exclusive to only one man.
-When a match is going on and the crowd is not into it the slightest bit, then Mark Henry needs to seriously leave.
- When hitting someone with a chair when they are lying down, the blow is made 10 times worse if there is another chair underneath them (One man Con-chairto)
- Only bad guys can hit people in the nuts. (Ric Flair is the exception)
- Why do main-event wrestlers always 'arrive' at the arena after the show has already started? If Funaki can get there on time every week then why can't they?
The rest can be found here Some brought quite a chuckle whilst reading these.
"Much like the laws of physics, Professional Wrestling abides by certain rules which can and will never, ever be broken. Such rules include:
-If you form a tag team with Kane, you will win the tag team titles. HOWEVER, Kane will at some point turn on you to get in touch with the "Monster" within.
-After defeating the Undertaker in a buried alive match, he will always return with an adjusted gimmick
-No table has ever survived a contract signing
-No "celebration" will go un-crashed
-Ric Flair + Top Rope = Beal. Occasionally the gravitational forces caused by say, a summer solstice will break this rule, however.
-Bad things happen around cameras backstage
-In a ladder match, both men must climb up both sides of the ladder at least once and punch each other
-If Hulk Hogan no-sells your punch and points at you, you MUST KEEP HITTING HIM. He'll go down eventually!
-If Steve Austin offers you a beer, you will be given the stunner shortly after
- Referees are the most knock-out prone people on the Planet.
- No Manager in history has ever simply managed his wrestler. They always get involved.
-If you summon the spirits of the native americans through a dance around the ring, you become momentarily invincible.
-Referees have no periferal vision.
- The 2nd most dangerous wrestling related career is "Spanish Announcer".
-The only person that can be dropped on a pile of tacs is the person who put them there in the first place.
-The higher pitched the cheers are, the more likely a wrestler is to overcome the odds.
-If they mention the Spanish announcers, the Spanish announce table is completely and utterly doomed.
-Any trophy that starts a presentation ceremony in one piece will be in more than one piece by the end of the ceremony.
-No matter how long a wrestler has been out of action for, their music is in the CD player and ready to go at all times.
- If you are feuding with Undertaker when he's a face, he will come out on top.
- When a wrestler is locked in a submission move like the sleeper hold, the ref will raise his arm and for the first two times, it will fall weakly to the floor. However when it is for a third time, it will miraciously stop half-way, then somehow give the wrestler enough momentum to make a comeback.
- Ric Flair will always defeat Carlito in a match.
-It is almost impossible for a wrestler to stumble and collapse between the top and middle rope, or to slump backwards into the corner of the ring. However, should a wrestler fight Rey Mysterio or Rikishi Phatu, the odds of this improbable event rise to an almost 100% possibility.
-Wrestlers have an odd visualisation flaw in their eyes that means they are incapable of seeing action on the titantron (they are however capable of watching small monitors backstage).
-If a wrestler goes insane with rage after a match (whether they win or lose) and locks in a submission move, the best way to convince them to let it go is to play their music over the speakers.
-The crowd will always chant You Suck to Angle, no matter what character he plays.
-The belt is the strongest weapon prop available to all wrestlers. It's a class A weapon. The steelchair is a class B when swung, but a class A when a move is done on/with it. The only weapon stronger than the belt is the sledgehammer, which is a class A+ weapon, however it is exclusive to only one man.
-When a match is going on and the crowd is not into it the slightest bit, then Mark Henry needs to seriously leave.
- When hitting someone with a chair when they are lying down, the blow is made 10 times worse if there is another chair underneath them (One man Con-chairto)
- Only bad guys can hit people in the nuts. (Ric Flair is the exception)
- Why do main-event wrestlers always 'arrive' at the arena after the show has already started? If Funaki can get there on time every week then why can't they?
