An oldie but a goodie.
- Thread starter Andrew S.
- Start date
Stax
Member
Pretty lame, try this one.
Desperately seeking technical support! I'm currently running
the latest version of Girlfriend 5.0 and having some problems.
I've been running the same version of Drinking Buddies 1.0 for
years as my primary application, and all the Girlfriend releases
have always conflicted with it.
I hear that Drinking Buddies won't crash if you minimize
Girlfriend with the sound off, but since I can't find the switch
to turn it off, I just run them separately and it works OK.
Girlfriend also seems to have a problem coexisting with
Golfware, often trying to abort my Golf program with some sort
of timing incompatibility.
I probably should have stayed with Girlfriend 1.0, but I thought
I might see better performance with Girlfriend 2.0. After months
of conflicts, I consulted a friend who has experience with
Girlfriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough cache to
run Girlfriend 2.0 and eventually it would require a Token Ring
upgrade to run properly. He was right.
As soon as I purged my cache, Girlfriend 2.0 uninstalled itself.
Shortly after that, I installed a Girlfriend 3.0 beta. All the
bugs were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it
gave me a virus.
After a hard drive clean up and thorough virus scan, I very
cautiously upgraded to Girlfriend 4.0.- this time using a SCSI
probe and virus protection. It worked OK for a while until I
discovered Girlfriend 1.0 wasn't completely uninstalled! I tried
to run Girlfriend 1.0 again with Girlfriend 4.0 still installed,
but Girlfriend 4.0 has an unadvertised feature that
automatically senses the presence of Girlfriend 1.0 and
communicates with it in some way, resulting in the immediate
removal of both versions!
The version I have now works pretty well, but, like all
versions, there are still some problems. The Girlfriend package
is still written in some obscure language that I can't
understand, much less reprogram. And I've never liked how
Girlfriend is totally object-oriented. A year ago, a friend
upgraded his version to GirlfriendPlus 1.0, which is a
Terminate-and-Stay-Resident version. He discovered
girlfriendPlus1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to
Fiancee 1.0. So he did.
But soon after that, you have to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he
describes as a "huge resource hog." It has taken up all his
space, so he can't load anything else. One of the primary
reasons that he upgraded to Wife is that it came bundled with
FreeSex 1.0. Well, it turns out that the resource allocation
module of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSex
(particularly the new Plug and Play items he wanted to try). On
top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up system
before he can do anything. And, although he did not ask for it,
Wife 1.0 came with Mother-In-Law 1.0, which has an automatic
pop-up feature he can't turn off.
I told him to install Mistress 1.0, but he said that he heard
that if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife, that
Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before uninstalling itself.
Then Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway, due to insufficient
resources.
Is anybody out there able to offer technical advice?
Desperately seeking technical support! I'm currently running
the latest version of Girlfriend 5.0 and having some problems.
I've been running the same version of Drinking Buddies 1.0 for
years as my primary application, and all the Girlfriend releases
have always conflicted with it.
I hear that Drinking Buddies won't crash if you minimize
Girlfriend with the sound off, but since I can't find the switch
to turn it off, I just run them separately and it works OK.
Girlfriend also seems to have a problem coexisting with
Golfware, often trying to abort my Golf program with some sort
of timing incompatibility.
I probably should have stayed with Girlfriend 1.0, but I thought
I might see better performance with Girlfriend 2.0. After months
of conflicts, I consulted a friend who has experience with
Girlfriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough cache to
run Girlfriend 2.0 and eventually it would require a Token Ring
upgrade to run properly. He was right.
As soon as I purged my cache, Girlfriend 2.0 uninstalled itself.
Shortly after that, I installed a Girlfriend 3.0 beta. All the
bugs were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it
gave me a virus.
After a hard drive clean up and thorough virus scan, I very
cautiously upgraded to Girlfriend 4.0.- this time using a SCSI
probe and virus protection. It worked OK for a while until I
discovered Girlfriend 1.0 wasn't completely uninstalled! I tried
to run Girlfriend 1.0 again with Girlfriend 4.0 still installed,
but Girlfriend 4.0 has an unadvertised feature that
automatically senses the presence of Girlfriend 1.0 and
communicates with it in some way, resulting in the immediate
removal of both versions!
The version I have now works pretty well, but, like all
versions, there are still some problems. The Girlfriend package
is still written in some obscure language that I can't
understand, much less reprogram. And I've never liked how
Girlfriend is totally object-oriented. A year ago, a friend
upgraded his version to GirlfriendPlus 1.0, which is a
Terminate-and-Stay-Resident version. He discovered
girlfriendPlus1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to
Fiancee 1.0. So he did.
But soon after that, you have to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he
describes as a "huge resource hog." It has taken up all his
space, so he can't load anything else. One of the primary
reasons that he upgraded to Wife is that it came bundled with
FreeSex 1.0. Well, it turns out that the resource allocation
module of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSex
(particularly the new Plug and Play items he wanted to try). On
top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up system
before he can do anything. And, although he did not ask for it,
Wife 1.0 came with Mother-In-Law 1.0, which has an automatic
pop-up feature he can't turn off.
I told him to install Mistress 1.0, but he said that he heard
that if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife, that
Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before uninstalling itself.
Then Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway, due to insufficient
resources.
Is anybody out there able to offer technical advice?
H
Hedley
Stax,
Brilliant
!! Now what we blokes need to watch-out for is the retaliation from the Ladies - I understand a couple of them are test-driving Boyfriend 1.0 already
.
Brilliant
T
trev
hey stax
i now understand why they call you STAX.
stax of girlfriend programs,
with stax of potential upgrade programs,
for stax of catastrofic problems.
i wet myself all the way thru your saga.....keep them coming mate.
i now understand why they call you STAX.
stax of girlfriend programs,
with stax of potential upgrade programs,
for stax of catastrofic problems.
i wet myself all the way thru your saga.....keep them coming mate.
Stax
Member
Thanks for your replies…
I think I may have found a solution. I am about to install Bowlingware 1.0
I hear that Girlfriend 5.0 will interact with Bowlingware 1.0 as long as they are run together. The problem may arise that Drinking Dubbies needs to run at the same time, even the occasional swap to Golfware. I will let you know if they solve my problems.
A mate of mine has told me about another feature of Wife 1.0. It has the ability to determine if you have tried to access any version of OtherWoman 1.0. If Wife 1.0 is active, it can even determine if you have even admired the shipping package of OtherWoman 1.0. While this won't completely uninstall Wife 1.0, it will slow it down and will require significant resources to get it working properly again.
I will keep you informed.
I think I may have found a solution. I am about to install Bowlingware 1.0
I hear that Girlfriend 5.0 will interact with Bowlingware 1.0 as long as they are run together. The problem may arise that Drinking Dubbies needs to run at the same time, even the occasional swap to Golfware. I will let you know if they solve my problems.
A mate of mine has told me about another feature of Wife 1.0. It has the ability to determine if you have tried to access any version of OtherWoman 1.0. If Wife 1.0 is active, it can even determine if you have even admired the shipping package of OtherWoman 1.0. While this won't completely uninstall Wife 1.0, it will slow it down and will require significant resources to get it working properly again.
I will keep you informed.
GeorgeF
Hypercell = Hyperhook!
Blonde and brunette are walking down the street. The brunette looks in the florist and see's her boyfriend buying a large bunch of flowers. " Oh, not again " says the brunette. The blonde goes "whats wrong, don't you like flowers "? Brunette says I really do like flowers but everytime he buys me flowers i end up on my back and my legs up in the air for 3 days. The blonde goes " Don't you own a vase "?
An american joke, I'll pay it
An american joke, I'll pay it
Stax
Member
Well the final insult.
Wife 1.0 has self extracted a plug-in program called Daughter 1.0. I can no longer access Drinking Duddies, Bowlingware1.0 or Golfware. All resources are now taken and all MSMoney files have been deleted. OtherWoman 1.0 has a virus and can no longer be used. My machine continually locks me out, especially if trying to run Drinking Duddies. However all is not yet lost, my mate tells me of a new anti-virus program called DivorceLawyer 2.5, it can completely clean your hard drive and free up future resources. The problem is the cost. No more Drinking Dubbies, BowlingWare or Golfware, and a monthly fee for Alimony 1.0, a plug-in for DivorceLawyer 2.5.
Wife 1.0 has self extracted a plug-in program called Daughter 1.0. I can no longer access Drinking Duddies, Bowlingware1.0 or Golfware. All resources are now taken and all MSMoney files have been deleted. OtherWoman 1.0 has a virus and can no longer be used. My machine continually locks me out, especially if trying to run Drinking Duddies. However all is not yet lost, my mate tells me of a new anti-virus program called DivorceLawyer 2.5, it can completely clean your hard drive and free up future resources. The problem is the cost. No more Drinking Dubbies, BowlingWare or Golfware, and a monthly fee for Alimony 1.0, a plug-in for DivorceLawyer 2.5.
M
mattf
It seems that you have purchased a copy of
" far too much spare time 1.0 " now that you are a freelance PC Guru.
Pretty bloody funny though Stax.
Looking forward to the release of lots of sex 69.0
Oops I'll be in trouble now!!!!!
Seeya
" far too much spare time 1.0 " now that you are a freelance PC Guru.
Pretty bloody funny though Stax.
Looking forward to the release of lots of sex 69.0
Oops I'll be in trouble now!!!!!
Seeya
P
Peter Riley
If neccessary, Stax, you could use Palm Pilot!!
Stax
Member
Lil' Johnny's mother took her 6 year old son with her to
the bank. They were in line behind a rather obese lady.
As the mother patiently waited, Lil' Johnny looked at
the women in front of him and observed loudly, "Hey, Mom,
she's really fat."
The lady looked at Johnny, made eye contact with his
mother and gave an understanding smile. Lil' Johnny
received a reprimand.
After a minute or two, Lil' Johnny spread his hands as
far as they will go and loudly said, "I bet her butt is
'that' wide."
At this the lady glared at Johnny. His embarrassed mother
severely scolds her son.
Again after a couple of minutes Lil' Johnny stated loudly,
"Look how the fat hangs over her belt."
The lady turned and told Johnny's mother to control her
child and his mother threatened him with severe bodily
harm.
The lady's pager begins to go off.
Lil' Johnny yelled in a panic at the top of his voice,
"Run for your life, she's backing up"
the bank. They were in line behind a rather obese lady.
As the mother patiently waited, Lil' Johnny looked at
the women in front of him and observed loudly, "Hey, Mom,
she's really fat."
The lady looked at Johnny, made eye contact with his
mother and gave an understanding smile. Lil' Johnny
received a reprimand.
After a minute or two, Lil' Johnny spread his hands as
far as they will go and loudly said, "I bet her butt is
'that' wide."
At this the lady glared at Johnny. His embarrassed mother
severely scolds her son.
Again after a couple of minutes Lil' Johnny stated loudly,
"Look how the fat hangs over her belt."
The lady turned and told Johnny's mother to control her
child and his mother threatened him with severe bodily
harm.
The lady's pager begins to go off.
Lil' Johnny yelled in a panic at the top of his voice,
"Run for your life, she's backing up"
M
Maestro
When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was very, very attracted to him, and during her questions about his life she asked him how he managed for sex.
"Tarzan not know sex," he replied.
Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said, "Oh, Tarzan use soft hole in tree trunk." Horrified, she said,
"Tarzan you have it all wrong but I will show you how to do it properly."
She took off her clothes, laid down on the ground and spread her legs wide.
"Here," she said, "You must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer to get a better look, got an enormous erection and gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "What did you do that for?"
Tarzan replied, "Tarzan always check for squirrels."
"Tarzan not know sex," he replied.
Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said, "Oh, Tarzan use soft hole in tree trunk." Horrified, she said,
"Tarzan you have it all wrong but I will show you how to do it properly."
She took off her clothes, laid down on the ground and spread her legs wide.
"Here," she said, "You must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer to get a better look, got an enormous erection and gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "What did you do that for?"
Tarzan replied, "Tarzan always check for squirrels."
M
Maestro
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your mother is in control of the money, so we'll call her the Government.
We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People.
The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense."
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies:
"The President is screwing the Working Class
while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in Deep ****."
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your mother is in control of the money, so we'll call her the Government.
We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People.
The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense."
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies:
"The President is screwing the Working Class
while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in Deep ****."
M
Maestro
Johnny's next door neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital,the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby.
Little Johnny's parents were very afraid their son would make a wise crack about the baby, so Little Johnny's Dad had a long talk with Little Johnny before going to the neighbors. He said, "Now, son...that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behaviour and not say one word about his ears, or I'm really going to spank your butt when we get back home." "I promise not to mention his ears at all," said Little Johnny.
At the neighbour's home, Little Johnny leaned over the crib and touched the baby's hand. He looked at its mother and said, "Oh, what a beautiful little baby!". The mother, who had braced herself for Johnny's comment, was pleasantly surprised and said, "Thank you very much, Little Johnny". He then said, "This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why...just look at his pretty little eyes... Did his doctor say he can see good?"
The Mother, a bit bewildered, hesitantly replies "Why, yes...his> doctor said he has 20/20 vision, why do you ask?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, it's a F***ing good thing, cause he sure as HELL won't be able to wear glasses"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Little Johnny's parents were very afraid their son would make a wise crack about the baby, so Little Johnny's Dad had a long talk with Little Johnny before going to the neighbors. He said, "Now, son...that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behaviour and not say one word about his ears, or I'm really going to spank your butt when we get back home." "I promise not to mention his ears at all," said Little Johnny.
At the neighbour's home, Little Johnny leaned over the crib and touched the baby's hand. He looked at its mother and said, "Oh, what a beautiful little baby!". The mother, who had braced herself for Johnny's comment, was pleasantly surprised and said, "Thank you very much, Little Johnny". He then said, "This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why...just look at his pretty little eyes... Did his doctor say he can see good?"
The Mother, a bit bewildered, hesitantly replies "Why, yes...his> doctor said he has 20/20 vision, why do you ask?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, it's a F***ing good thing, cause he sure as HELL won't be able to wear glasses"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GeorgeF
Hypercell = Hyperhook!
This skinny guy is in the locker room with his fat friend and says, "Hey man, how long has it been since you've seen your *****?" The fat guy replies, "Dude, it's been a LOOOOONG time." So the skinny guy says, "Why don't you diet?" The fat guy looks shocked and says, "WHY, WHAT COLOR IS IT NOW!?!?!"
