Family Trust

[Stax]

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for three years so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way; my friends encouraged me, and my fiancée? She was a dream!
There was only one thing bothering me, and that was my mother-in-law to be. She was a smart, confident career woman, but most of all she was unbelievably sexy. She often openly flirted with me, which piqued my curiosity and made me quite uncomfortable at the same time. One day she called me and asked me to come over to review the wedding invitations. When I got there, I realized she was alone. As we looked at the invitations, she whispered in my ear: "Soon you will be married, but you must know that I have feelings for you that I can no longer ignore. Before you commit your life to my daughter, please make love to me just once". I was in total shock.... what could I say?
As I sat there dumbfounded she said: "I'll go to the bedroom, and if you share my yearnings, just come up and take me."
Still dazed, I watched her magnificent form as she wisped up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do, and then turned around and went to the front door. Slowly, I opened the door and stepped out of the house.
Amazingly, her husband was standing outside. With tears in his eyes, he hugged me and said: "We are so happy. You have passed our little test. We couldn't have asked for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.


I will never forget the day I earned the trust of my in-laws, nor the valuable life lesson I learned on the front steps of my wife's childhood home...............always, always, always, keep your condoms in your car.

 

[GeorgeF]

Nice Stax you had me going for a while there, he's one for you.....

An engineer passes away and funny enough ends up in hell with Satan. Soon realising that Hell was very disorganised and with alot of time on his hands he started building bridges, roads, houses etc. Soon hell was very organised and functioning like a city. Satan was extremely impressed and started boasting to God about his new star recruit.

Satan " God you should see this guy, he is unbelievable, he's totally revamped hell and now the places is like a million dollars "

God " There must be some sort of mistake, that guy was a loving family guy and was suppose to come to heaven. Give him back this instant !"

Satan " Like hell, I'm not letting him go, he's building me a spa and he promises 2 hotels by the end of the year "

God " If you don't let him go, I'm going to get a lawyer and sue you !"

Satan " Good luck finding lawyer in heaven "

 

[Levithian]

Seen the one from stax before George yours was good too

 

[KriDdLe]

Some Things You Just Can't Explain :::


A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting drunk. A man came in and asked the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?"

The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some things you just can't explain."

"So what happened that's so horrible?" the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.

"Well," the farmer said, "today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket."

"Okay," said the man, "but that's not so bad."

"Some things you just can't explain," the farmer replied.

"So what happened then?" the man asked.

The farmer said, "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left."

"And then?"

"Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket."

The man laughed and said, "Again?"

The farmer replied, "Some things you just can't explain."

"So, what did you do then?" the man asked.

"I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right."

"And then?"

"Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail."

"Hmmm," the man said and nodded his head.

"Some things you just can't explain," the farmer said.

"So, what did you do?" the man asked.

"Well," the farmer said, "I didn't have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in ... Some things you just can't explain."



i thought it was worth adding

 

[da_cowman]

Apologies to any blondes...

Two netball teams, one made up of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend tournament in London. The brunette team rode in the bottom deck of the bus and the blonde team rode on the top level.

The brunette team down below was whooping it up and having a great time when one of them realised she didn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate.

When the brunette reached the top, she found all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road and clutching the seats in front of them. The brunette asked, "What is going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!" One of the blondes said, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"

Later Da Cowman

 

[bm2]

8) remember, my bowling is better than my jokes!!!! 8)

What do Saddam Hussein and Little Miss Muffet have in common??

They both had curds in their way............... :roll:



Jagga :lol: