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My condolences to Sandy, Stephanie, Michelle & Adam. Tom put his heart & soul into everything he did. For anyone who bowled against him would understand. The never die attitude was so apparent on the lanes. Tom also made everyone feel welcome with such phrases as 'I was only thinking of you...

A man was pulled over for speeding down the highway; the officer came to the driver’s window and said, "Sir, may I see your driver’s license and registration?" The man said, "Well officer I don't have a license, it was taken away for a DUI." The officer, in surprise, said," What, do you have a...

MY sharona -the knack

Out of the mouths of AFL Footballers Post a reply Cherub 11/9/2007 4:22:06 PM "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." - (Shane Wakelin) "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." (Mick Malthouse -...

The Iraq War So, Donald Rumsfeld is briefing George Bush in the Oval Office. "Oh and finally, sir, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq today." Bush goes pale, his jaw hanging open in stunned disbelief. He buries his face in his hands, muttering "My God...My God". "Mr...

Imagine if we had Corporate Condoms? Imagine if major companies from all around the world started producing or sponsoring condoms. They would become fashionable and companies would probably advertise more openly. * Nike Condoms: Just do it * Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling * Ford...

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds. The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again...

This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!): Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer...

Times when you shouldn't hyphenate yours & your hubby's names... Post a reply munchkin11 6/7/2007 5:15:22 PM

John asks his grandpa: 'Do you still have sex with Granny?' Grandpa says: 'Yes, but only Oral'. John says: 'what is oral?' Grandpa: 'I say F**k you, and she says: F**k you too'

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES 1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto, the blockage will be almost instantly removed. 2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them...

An elderly couple visit McDonalds. He orders one hamburger, one order of french fries and one drink. The old man unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cuts it in half. He places one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counts out the french fries, dividing them into two piles...

Was Jesus A Woman? THREE CHARACTERISTICS SUGGEST THAT JESUS WAS JEWISH: 1. He went into his father’s business. 2. He lived at home until he was 33. 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin, and his Mother was sure he was God. THREE CHARACTERISTICS SUGGEST THAT JESUS...

Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor said, "We have special requirements for new parishioners.You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The...

A feisty 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count to see if he could father another child. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and...

This good looking man walks into an agent's office in Hollywood and says: "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials The agent asked, "What's your name?" The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian." The agent said, "Sir, I...

A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for a facelift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob," a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the affect of a brand new face-lift. Of course, the woman...

WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ (Passing requires 4 correct answers) 1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 2) Which country makes Panama hats? 3) From which animal do we get catgut? 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? 5) What is a camel's hair...

: Marriage Jokes Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got...

one of my favorites Harold is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner...

Of course I love ya darling You're a bloody top notch bird And when I say you're gorgeous I mean every single word So your ass is on the big side I don't mind a bit of flab It means that when I'm ready There's somethin' there to grab So your belly isn't flat no more I tell ya, I...

An unemployed male walks into a bar, and orders a rum and coke from the barman. He skulls half of the drink and says to the barman, " I SHOULDN'T REALLY BE DRINKING THIS WITH WHAT I'VE GOT "! The barman ask's: What have you got ???? the male replies:"ABOUT 20 CENTS"

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi . You know, I just HATE applying for welfare. I'd really rather have a job." The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy...

2 Blondes working One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it...

An Irishman is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the...